I’m sitting here in my parent’s living room looking at the family photo that lives on the mantel above the fireplace. That photo was a gift. I didn’t know at the time, but it was as if God knew what a special treasure it would be on a future day.
The photo was taken almost exactly one year ago (Oct 2022) at the peak of fall’s glory. The leaves were so beautiful so I rallied the troops. If you understand the craziness of large family photos you will appreciate how amazingly easy it was to throw this together at the last minute. A gift, I tell you. Those are my people and I couldn’t love them more. The lady in the middle of the couch with the joy-filled smile? That’s my Mom, and she is one in a million.
I sit here looking at that photo and pause to reflect on the past year as my eyes slip down to rest on my mother. She lies in hospital bed that has taken residence in the family living room. Life doesn’t always follow the story we have planned.
Six months after that family photo she received an unexpected diagnosis — brain cancer, to be specific, Glioblastoma. Words like radiation and terminal and hospice became common vocabulary as we were thrust on a journey none of us wished to take. So often my mind wandered ahead to the things we might have to face…. Her loss of mobility. The loss of speech. Personality changes. All unwelcome possibilities that come along with this type of brain cancer. Yet every challenge we have experienced has been graced by the Presence of our Almighty God….which is why I want to share today.
My Mom has endured every step of this painful process with a confidence in God’s perfect plan. A plan that so often is beyond our understanding. The past couple of months she has been unable to communicate with us as normal, unable to move freely, and yet so often a gentle smile rests on her face. A peace that I KNOW is from the Lord.
This past week she declined further and my heart is stirred to share. I share because I can’t imagine facing something like this without HOPE. I share because she can't speak and I know she would want me to. She was SO bold in speaking about what God has done… what He IS doing in our lives.
It is certainly a deeply sorrowful time. Yet, not without Hope. My Mom is more than a Mom to me…she is my best friend. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I fully believe the words she said from day one of this diagnosis… God’s got this.
Everyone processes things differently and for me it often takes shape in the form of a song. I have written a lot of songs during this journey with her as music is a passion we share. Today I share a song I wrote that speaks of the mixture of emotions in my heart right now. Loving life….yet longing for the indescribable place God has prepared for those who believe. For me, this mixture of longings began years ago when I said “see you later” to my Grandma at the age of 15. After that each death of a loved one stirred my heart to seek Him more. However the real moment my heart truly started to think deeply about “what comes after…” is when my sweet baby boy Silas lived a short nine hours on this Earth. The painful process of dealing with his death was a catalyst that helped me more fully understand the deep hope that lies beyond the here and now.
This life is wonderful and hard. It is filled with blessing and pain. To use a word that is so dear to our family…. Bittersweet. The song I wrote shares the desire to live life to the fullest now… to embrace and enjoy every single day He gives. Yet, at the same time acknowledge the aches and desires this world will never fulfill; only Christ can fulfill. As believers we are truly living "In-Between." Thank GOD while we are living here in this broken world HE gives us the ability to live life abundantly. Then, in His perfect time.... GLORY.
I don’t know what you are facing… or what loss you might have endured. But God, help us to seek YOU…and fill us with HOPE and TRUTH that this world is not it. One day…ONE DAY we will truly be HOME. If that sounds strange to you and want to talk.... shoot me a message....sarah@songbirdsing.com This recording isn’t great but is special to me as my sweet Mom is there with me in the room... perhaps feeling some of the things I wrote in the song. I pray it might resonate and encourage someone out there today…. Thank You for continuing to pray for our family during this time.
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"The In-Between"